Twelve FailSafe Ways to Charm Witches
by mokimik
Summary: How did the book that finally learned Ron some tact in book 7, came into the hands of his twin-brothers? A funny one-shot, about Alicia, Katie, Hermione, Ron, Victor and the twins, during Yule-Balltime...


_**Twelve Fail-Safe Ways to Charm Witches**_

"That boy! He's just so – aargh!" Angelina shouted. Hermione looked up, irritated that someone was making so much noise when she was trying to read _Hogwarts: a History_. Even though that someone had every right to do so, since they were in the common room, Hermione still thought there ought to be some rule that would prevent people for talking too loud, laughing too hard, and (especially) yelling.

"What's the matter?" Great. Now Katie was talking too. Why wasn't there somewhere else they could have this discussion?

"Fred," Angelina said, sounding as though someone had died.

"Oh," came the (presumably unhelpful) reply.

"I mean, he's very nice to me, and I thought he liked me too when he took me to Hogsmeade a few weeks ago, but when there's something as important as a Yule Ball coming up – the ideal opportunity to show he likes me, might I add – he simply doesn't ask me!"

"How dare he!"

"Katie, stop being sarcastic, I'm serious!"

But Katie merely laughed at that."You can't be serious when you're talking about one of the twins. 'Serious' and 'twins' in the same sentence just isn't possible. Unless there's a negative in that sentence," she added dryly.

Hermione couldn't help eavesdropping on the conversation, and now she actually looked up. Angelina had sat down on one of the couches near the fire, still looking agitated.

"Maybe he doesn't like you anymore?" Katie suggested as she turned a page of the newest _Witch Weekly._

"Then why isn't he avoiding me? Why is he still being nice? Why did he still help me with my Potions essay when he didn't even have his own finished?"

"Maybe because he secretly hexed your homework and it's a prank instead of an act of kindness?" Katie tried again, sounding completely disinterested.

"Katie!"

The girl looked up from her magazine. "I'm sorry Angelina, I really did try to take this seriously when you started about Fred a few months ago. But while you might have – how does _Witch Weekly_ put it? Oh, found it – while you might have "charmed his heart", that still didn't stop him and his twin from turning my arms green the other day. I had kind of hoped that the pranking would stop once he was madly in love with my best friend…"

Angelina's frown grew more pronounced. Katie closed the magazine, throwing it on the table, and looked at her friend.

"I think he just still mustering up his courage. Just wait some more, and if he still hasn't asked you by the end of the week, you either ask him yourself, or you help me get back at them for the colored arms by teaching me a freckle-enhancement charm."

Suddenly, the girls seemed to notice someone was eavesdropping and they both looked at Hermione, who now realized she had laughed out loud at Katie's last comment. Quickly, she concentrated on her book again, trying to play innocent.

It wasn't long before the two girls went upstairs. Not five minutes later, the portrait hole opened and two identical people with red hair walked into the common room, closely followed by Lee Jordan. Hermione was still looking for any mention of house elves in _Hogwarts: a History_, but without any success. It was frustrating to read the sentences again to see if they had any double meaning in them, and the fact that she was so tired didn't help matters either.

"All we have to do is get that gold from him and then we can start," George said.

"It's so aggravating that right now he can just play the innocent and not give it to you," Lee said. George nodded, clearly irritated.

"We'll figure something out tomorrow… I'm going up to bed. 'Night," Lee said.

"'Night," both of the twins mumbled as they let themselves fall back on the same couch as Angelina and Katie vacated not long before. They were both silent for a while, and even though Hermione found silence and the Weasely twins an odd combination, she focused on the book again, now reading the goblin revolts chapter. However, Ron was right: Goblin revolts were indeed the most boring time in all the history of magic. Slowly the twins' conversation found its way through her concentration.

"Asked anyone to the Ball yet?" she heard Fred ask.

"Hmph. I thought maybe Katie."

"Would she say yes?"

"If I told her I'm sorry about the green arms, she would, I think."

"And then she'd hex your robes invisible in front of everyone during the Yule Ball, and damn the consequences," Fred added.

"Of course. But I just have to watch out for that. What about you and Angelina? Have you asked yet?"

"I tried."

"In other words, you were too scared."

"No, I wasn't! She kept talking about the flobberworms that had to be added to the potion she was writing about. Who asks someone to the Yule Ball when they're discussing _flobberworms_?"

"You would, my dear Fred. Just admit it. You chickened out." George was grinning so widely Hermione thought his face might break.

"I just don't understand her! She can be so distant! Girls are weird. I wish there was a book people could learn this stuff in. Stupid things you have to do to 'woo' girls."

"That would be a great title," George replied dryly.

His comment didn't seem to improve Fred's mood and the glare he gave his twin made Hermione giggle a bit. He looked exactly like Ron when he did that. However, the twins heard her, and this time she wasn't quick enough to turn away and pretend to be reading. Fred gave her a scowl, but George turned his attention towards her.

"You think that's funny, do you?" he asked.

Hermione flushed. "I'm sorry, what?"

"You think it's funny that you girls put all us blokes go through hell asking you out?"

"I wasn't laughing about…"

"Because I doubt it's funny for a girl when no one asks her," Fred joined in.

"Huh?" For a rather smart girl, Hermione was catching on slowly tonight.

"Well, if the bloke doesn't ask the girl who apparently has a crush on him, he will, in the eyes of the girls, be responsible for the fact that she'll sit alone in her room and cry on the night of the Yule Ball…" George started.

"But when the guy asks the girl that he likes, he risks being humiliated in front of the entire school if he does it in a clumsy sort of way," Fred said. "Caught either way, we are."

"Well, you both seemed to have lived with humiliation before," she sniped. "How many Howlers has your mother sent so far?"

"But we're not talking about ourselves, are we, Fred?"

"No, we're not. And might I add that there have been six howlers so far this term?"

"You might," George said politely. They turned to each other.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"The point is—," Fred said, as the twins now turned back to face Hermione, "—that I said I doubt it's funny for a girl when no one asks. And when we say 'a girl' we mean you. Tell me, Hermione – have you been asked by either of your two best _male_ friends?"

For a moment she felt as though she'd been slapped in the face. She normally tolerated the twins and their jokes, but this was too harsh. However, they weren't done.

"And by 'two male friends', we mean Harry and Ron, but especially Ron, our dear, lovely idiot of a brother."

She'd been red from anger before, but the red on her cheeks now was from an entirely different emotion.

She started to splutter. "What makes you think I want to be asked by Ron?"

"The fact that you spend every summer at our house…"

"So does Harry!"

"The fact that you do his homework…"

"I only read it through, and I do that for Harry too!"

"The fact that you don't seem to notice other boys…"

"I'm friends with Harry! He's a guy too! What's your point?"

"The fact that you are secretly wishing he would ask you…"

"Oh, so now you can read my thoughts, too?"

"You know why he won't ask you. You try so hard to make it look like you don't want him, and he's actually the only one who falls for that lie."

With that, Hermione woke with a start. She was still in her chair in the common room. The actual twins were still sitting near the fire and now looked her way.

"Fell asleep there, didn't you?" George asked kindly.

"I – I must've…," she mumbled incoherently. It had felt so real…

"Well, better take an example from responsible, older blokes then," Fred grinned, as they both stood up and bade her good night.

"Excuse me, do you know vere the books about mermaids are standing?"

Hermione looked up, irritated. Could a girl never get any peace to read about the goblin rebellions and the possible aid of house elves to wizards? To her surprise she was staring straight into the face of Victor Krum, and she suddenly noticed his fan club whispering in hushed tones behind the nearest bookshelf.

"Left hand side of the Magical Creatures section, middle shelf," she answered automatically.

Krum stared at her in surprise and Hermione blushed slightly. He must think she was some sort of freak for knowing that. However, he didn't look away, as other people had done before when she had given them such an answer.

"Could you perhaps show me? I do not know this library well."

There was something in his gaze that made Hermione flush even a little bit more.

"Sure." She closed her book, stood up and walked with him over to the other side of the library. A silence fell between them, and Hermione wondered if she should ask some polite questions about Quidditch. Not that she really cared about Quidditch, but after all, he _was_ a famous Quidditch player. The least she could do was be polite. What was it again that Harry and Ron kept talking about…. The Wrensky Fall? However, Krum already started to speak himself.

"My name is Victor Krum."

"I know," Hermione rolled her eyes. Did he think she was stupid?

"Vot is your name?" Krum asked politely.

"Hermione Granger."

"Herm- Herm-own-inny?"

"Silence!" Madame Pince hissed from behind her desk, but neither of them paid attention. It wasn't as if they were actually very loud.

"Yes, something like that," she smiled, amused.

"You are beautiful ven you smile, Herm-own-inny Grancher," he said with a smile playing around his lips. Hermione looked up and blinked a few times.

Was that a _compliment_?

"Here we are," she said, referring to the right path for the book, not knowing how to react.

"Thank you." Krum made a gesture to let her go ahead. "Ladies first."

He was really complimenting her. Bewildered, she tried to focus on the book and the shelf it was supposed to be on.

"Hmm… that's strange."

"Vot is?"

"This whole shelf is a mess. The werewolf books are supposed to be near forest creatures, subsection Transformation… Hinkypunks are usually with the open-field creatures shelf… There's even a self-help-book here!" She snatched the book from the shelf with her left hand, but before she could even read the title, Krum had suddenly taken her right hand.

"Herm-own-inny, I haf come here every day to see you and to find courage to talk vit you, but now I talk vit you, you see only the books!" It didn't sound like an accusation, more like a compliment. Or was that just his accent?

"I- I- I'm sorry. I just thought you wanted to find the book," she spluttered.

"I do not need ze book. I vould much rather you would go vit me to the Ball."

Somehow, it took Hermione's brain a very long time to wrap itself around what he was saying.

He didn't need the book about mermaids.

He didn't need her to find the book.

He was holding her hand.

He was asking her something.

Well, technically not. Technically, he was telling her something.

He only came to the library to talk to her.

Was he quite sure he hadn't mistaken her for someone else?

He was coming here every day to see her and now he was asking something.

What was he asking her again?

Or was it telling her?

Oh right. If she would go to the ball.

With him.

Go to the Ball with Viktor Krum.

Go to the Yule Ball with Viktor Krum, the Bulgarian superstar.

"With me?" she squeaked.

"Yes," he said, looking relieved that she had said something again.

"I- I- I have to think about it."

"Good. You tink a lot. I like zhat about you."

"Right," was all she could say. Hermione suddenly felt very panicky, and she turned around and left the famous Bulgarian Seeker standing in the path with the unsorted shelf.

"No running in the library!" Madame Pinch hissed when she passed her table again, but Hermione didn't hear. Her ears were ringing. They were ringing in English with a Bulgarian accent.

She sank down into her favorite armchair, still completely bewildered. Viktor Krum had just asked her out. Why? Why did he notice her? Why did the internationally famous Bulgarian Quidditch star notice her? Then another thought crept up, and it spoke in Fred Weasley's voice.

Why did the Quidditch star notice her when the boy who idolized him, and spent practically every day with her, didn't?  
She suddenly noticed that she was still holding the self-help book and couldn't help but snort at the irony. _Twelve Fail-Safe Ways to Charm Witches. _If only she had grabbed a book that would charm a wizard…

Angry, she threw the book on the nearest table and stomped off to her dormitory. Boys were too much. Even the internationally famous ones. She had left her copy of _Hogwarts, a History_ in the library and realized she could only get it once she had decided on her answer. Would she go to the ball with him?

"Hey Fred!"

"What?"

"Someone left a book!"

"Well, put an Itching Jinx on it and put it back," was the moody answer.

"I think you had better take a look…"

"Why?" Fred looked at the book.

"Because it might help you put a smile on your face again…"

Two days had passed since Krum had asked her to the Ball, and still Hermione hadn't made a decision. She knew what the problem was. The problem was hope – the vague hope that soon enough, Ron would notice her sitting next to him, rewriting his homework, and explaining the wand-movements. There was still time and hope he would ask her to the Ball.

However, he didn't. And every day Hermione was getting grumpier because Krum and the library had kidnapped _Hogwarts, a History_ and she wasn't able to read and find an answer to the question about house-elves and their help during the Goblin-Revolt. Angry, she crossed out a word on her essay and replaced it with another.

Fred and George came in, fresh from whatever mischief they were cooking up. They were talking to Ron, but Hermione was thinking about too much to actually listen.

"Because George wants to invite him to the Ball,"

At the B-word, Hermione looked up, suddenly panicked that anyone might have read the subject of her thoughts. She still wasn't quite over the dream she had had a few days ago in this same chair, where Fred had been able to read her mind.

"Because we want to send a letter, you stupid great prat," George continued.

"Who d'you two keep writing to, eh?" said Ron.

"Nose out, Ron, or I'll burn that for you too," said Fred, waving his wand threateningly. "So…" He looked from Harry, to Ron, to Hermione and let his stare rest on her. For a moment she thought he was really reading her mind, and she was trying to remember all possible ways to prevent a skilled wizard from reading your mind.

"….you lot got dates for the ball yet?"

"Nope," said Ron. Hermione couldn't help but glare. A little voice in her head was practically screaming: _I'm right here, you stupid baboon! Look at me! _

"Well, you'd better hurry up, mate, or all the good ones will be gone," said Fred.

"Who're you going with, then?" said Ron.

"Angelina," said Fred promptly, without a trace of embarrassment. Hermione looked up. She didn't exactly know which part of that night she had dreamed and which she hadn't, but she was fairly certain that Fred hadn't so sure of himself the last time.

"What?" said Ron, taken aback. "You've already asked her?"

"Good point," said Fred. He turned and called across the common room, "Oi! Angelina!"

Angelina, who had been chatting with Alicia Spinnet near the fire, looked over at him.

"What?" she called back, a bit more aggressively than usual.

"Want to come to the ball with me?"

Angelina gave Fred an appraising sort of look.

"All right, then," she said, and she turned back to Alicia and carried on chatting with a bit of a grin on her face. Hermione knew how excited she must be – it was a feeling she'd dreamed of having herself.

"There you go," said Fred to Harry and Ron, "piece of cake." He got to his feet, yawning, and said, "We'd better use a school owl then, George, come on…"

They left as Ron and Harry stared after them in amazement and looks of respect newly plastered to their faces.

"We should get a move on, you know," Ron looked at Harry and his voice was suddenly very serious. Maybe he would finally... "ask someone. He's right. We don't want to end up with a pair of trolls."

She spluttered. This was not the conclusion she had wanted Ron to come to. The right conclusion had involved him, turning towards her, asking something.

"A pair of... what, excuse me?"

"Well – you know," said Ron, shrugging. "I'd rather go alone than with – with Eloise Midgen, say."

"Her acne's loads better lately – and she's really nice!"

"Her nose is off-center," said Ron.

She didn't know which was worse, the anger that Ron was so superficial or the disappointment that he would just never notice her. If he wasn't going to take Eloise because of her nose, then he probably wasn't going to ask her because of her hair, and her teeth, and the fact that she was such a know-it-all.

"Oh I see," Hermione said, bristling. "So basically, you're going to take the best looking girl who'll have you, even if she's completely horrible?"

"Er – yeah, that sounds about right," said Ron.

Hermione hated boys from the deepest part of her being. Not only had Ron confirmed her worst thoughts about him, he said it in a tone that said he was pleased to hear she understood him. Next to him, Harry was looking a bit uncomfortable, but also nodding slightly as if he agreed.

"I'm going to bed," she snapped, and swept off toward the girls' staircase without another word.

"_Because I doubt it's funny for a girl when no one asks her,"_ Fred kept repeating. This trying-to-eat thing wasn't going to work. The same way the trying-to-sleep thing yesterday hadn't worked out either. _And with 'two male friends,' we mean Harry and Ron, but especially Ron, our dear, lovely idiot of a brother._ The voice was probably going to haunt her into insanity. Or made her scream at Ron. Or made her agree to go with Krum. Though the last two actions could be counted as insane as well. With a 'bang' she placed her fork and knife back on the table.

"I'm going to the library. I still have some research to do."

Neither of the boys looked up, but only nodded, probably hoping to avoid new SPEW-related duties.

When walking past the Slytherin table, she saw Krum looking up from his food and staring at her. She smiled politely back and knew in a flash that he had understood her. And indeed he had. After only a few seconds of walking alone up to the library, he caught up with Hermione.

"Good morning."

"Good morning."

"Haf you perhaps thought about my offer, Herm-own-inny Grancher?"

"I have," she said and couldn't help but smile widely at the pronunciation of her name. "I would love to go to the ball with you, Viktor."

"I would have to say, my dear brother, that the Yule Ball was quite a success for the both of us," Fred said to his twin on Boxing Day, as he sat in the common room rubbing at his eyes.

"It certainly was, Fred," came the answer after a long yawn. "If only Bagman would have…"

"Not here," Fred hissed. "There's a time and place for everything." George nodded comprehendingly.

Their chairs were facing toward the dormitory stairs, and they watched people slowly make their ways out of the common room, probably to get some food in the Great Hall, not really awake yet. Then, a door in each dormitory opened at the same time, and in exactly the same rhythm, the boy and girl started to descend the stairs. Both wore frowns, and both were deeply in thought. When they came face-to-face with each other at the bottom, and finally noticed at whom they were staring, both of them flushed crimson, turned around and ran up the stairs again. The doors closed with a simultaneous bang.

"Should we pass the book on to the next brother, George? He seems to need it."

"Not yet. I think we still have a lot of studying of our own to do. Besides, would it really matter? It's only a book…."

_Thanks for reading! I'm not JK or anything, but'this were my thoughts about how Fred and George got the book in their hands... _

_Either this, or Charlie passed it on..._

_Thanks to Lisa, the Beta!_

_Anyway, tell me what your thoughts were! _

_x-mokimik-x_


End file.
